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Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!