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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.