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There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
Not so great minds also think alike.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.