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The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell