Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.