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I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.