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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"