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It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.