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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.