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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you