Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
Bless me Father for I hit send.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.