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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
I think I may be getting harder to love.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....