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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?