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I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
he who laughs last thinks slow
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.