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Iād be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Iām going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Iām simply on reserve for the one who deserves
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.