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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.