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If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.