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A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.