Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.