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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
I have Beer.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Some of my best memories are naps.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!