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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.