Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.