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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.