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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel