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So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
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I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
Be good ... or I will text Santa
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas