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How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I think Iām allergic to mornings.
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
about love
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.