Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, Iād like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.