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Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.