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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake