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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.