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If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.