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That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Iām a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
:): The Bipolar smiley face
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe