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"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...