Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.