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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.