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I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.