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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.