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My life is just one long improvisation.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.