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The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."