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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
In space they just call it "Jam"
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”