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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.