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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.