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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.