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My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..