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Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.