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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]