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A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
My memory foam has amnesia
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.