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I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
wants to rock and roll all night
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.