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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)