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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".