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I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.