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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.