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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
I hate when the remote is way over there
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional