Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.