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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
People will do odd things to get even.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.