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Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?